10 Empowering Strategies to Overcome Mum Guilt

Motherhood, while incredibly rewarding, can also be a breeding ground for guilt. That nagging feeling that you're not doing enough or doing it right, commonly referred to as "mum guilt," is an all-too-familiar companion for many mothers. It manifests in various forms and for a multitude of reasons, but here's the good news: you can overcome it. Let's explore the common causes of mum guilt and delve into 10 empowering strategies to set yourself free.

Common Causes of Mum Guilt

1. Aggression: This encompasses physical, verbal, or emotional aggression. Moments of frustration can leave you questioning your abilities as a mother.

2. The Desire to Leave or "Exit": There are times when you may find yourself daydreaming about an escape or "throwing in the towel." The mere thought can be accompanied by guilt.

3. Working Mum Guilt: Balancing work and motherhood can lead to the belief that you're not spending enough time with your children. The relentless quest for that elusive work-life balance can weigh heavily on your conscience.

4. Preferential Treatment: If you have more than one child, it's natural to compare their experiences and personalities. This comparison can breed guilt when you feel you're favouring one child over the other.

5. The Motherhood Myth: Cultural expectations often paint motherhood as a constant state of love, patience, and attentiveness. Stay-at-home mothers who develop depression may often carry this same type of guilt and the belief that feeling symptoms of depression from being home with their child somehow translates to being ungrateful, not being happy to be home with their children and caring for them all the time.

6. Breastfeeding: The pressures and expectations surrounding breastfeeding can lead to intense feelings of guilt and shame.

7. Being Bored: Despite loving motherhood, childcare can sometimes be repetitive and mundane. Missing your pre-baby life and the spontaneity it offered can induce guilt.

8. Giving Them Too Much Screen Time: Modern parenting comes with screen time dilemmas, and guilt can creep in when you think you're allowing your children too much screen exposure.

9. Asking for Help: In a world where extended family support is often scarce, going it alone can lead to caregiver burnout, especially if your children have special needs.

Before diving into strategies to overcome mum guilt, it's crucial to understand when it's starting to affect you negatively. Here are four signs to watch for:

1. Low Self-Worth: Guilty thoughts can erode your self-esteem, making you believe you're a bad mum.

2. Inconsistent Mental Well-Being: Excessive mum guilt can contribute to depression, anxiety, or poor mental fitness.

3. Negative Coping Strategies: To avoid confronting guilty feelings, some resort to negative coping mechanisms like excessive eating, shopping, alcohol consumption, or smartphone use.

4. Trying to Do It All: The pressure to be a perfect partner, daughter, friend, professional, and mother can lead to burnout.

Remember, mum guilt is a common emotion, but it doesn't define your worth as a mother. By implementing these strategies, you can break free from its grip and embrace the joys and challenges of motherhood with confidence and self-compassion:

10 Empowering Strategies to Overcome Mum Guilt

1. Practice Self-Compassion: Mum guilt often unleashes a barrage of self-blame and shame. Counter this by practicing self-compassion. Forgive yourself for mistakes, nurture self-love, and allow room for personal growth.

2. Communication & Asking for Help: No one is a mind reader and effective communication is key. Be clear about your needs, whether it's some alone time or a hot meal without interruptions.

3. Identify Your Supports: Build a diverse support network, including online or local support groups. Connecting with others who share your experiences can be incredibly comforting.

4. Let Go of Expectations: Social media and idealised images of motherhood can distort reality. Release your expectations, and allow room for your partner and support network to establish their own routines.

5. Consider Hiring Help: Managing newborn care, house chores, and self-care can be overwhelming. Consider hiring help, even if it's just occasionally. It can make a world of difference.

6. Rediscover Yourself: Reconnect with your interests and hobbies beyond motherhood. Explore old passions and embrace new ones as you rediscover your identity.

7. Practice Gratitude: Amid life's demands, practice gratitude. Reflect on three things that made you smile, no matter how small. It can shift your mindset and bring positivity.

8. Identify the Sources of Guilt: Explore the roots of your guilt. Is it internal, based on your expectations, or external, influenced by societal pressure? Lean into your thoughts and identify what's rational and irrational. Separate feelings from facts and practice self-compassion. Journalling can be helpful.

9. Listen to Your Children & Your Intuition: Pay attention to your intuition and your children's feelings. Feedback from your little ones can validate your emotions and inspire personal growth.

10. Seek Professional Help: Start by talking with your doctor. They can provide a referral to a mental health professional or therapist who can help you with your specific needs.

Motherhood is a journey filled with unique challenges, but it's also overflowing with love, laughter, and precious moments. Don't let mum guilt overshadow the joy. By embracing these strategies, you can break free from its grasp and savour the beauty of being a mum, one cherished moment at a time.

LMB. x